Making "Mom Friends"

If you're lucky like me, you have one of those friend circles that's been together since the early days (and very late nights) of pool parties and poker nights. Beer pong and bar hopping. The same group of people who will be gathering in someone's Family room 20 years from now, with wine and the same but not tired inside jokes. These people are loyal and a second Family in many ways. We've endured break-ups, witnessed get-togethers, danced at each other's weddings, become homeowners and begun parenthood together. Our roots began many years ago and seemingly, everyone has these relationships that they've been building since they were little. This can make it hard to forge new friendships as an adult and find a way to fit other people into your life.

...Until you become a Mom, I think. 

Then all of a sudden, you have this little human by your side who is a magnet for conversation starters. How old is he? He's so cute! What's his name? Is he talking yet? Before I had a baby, there would have been no catalyst to facilitate such an in-depth convo with a stranger in the TJ's line. But now that I'm always out in the world as a duo, it happens constantly and it's a strange concept, really. Sparking discussion with a stranger, trading "me too" and "I know the feeling"(s), feeling suddenly connected and hoping you have more in common than your children. It feels similar to the beginning of a blind date and so far, I've been been really lucky with "swiping left," to put it in modern dating context.

Together, Ronan and I visit a lot of play spaces - Every single one in Dupage County to be specific ;), including our local library on a weekly basis. Because we are there so often, I have begun to recognize many of the familiar Mom faces who are also on a mission to simply get out of the house. Last September, I was chasing him around the children's area and noticed (an admittedly trendy looking Mom with cute style I was eyeing) doing the same with her toddler. I asked how old her son was and minutes later, we were deep into a conversation about how our beloved dogs have now become pests and nap schedules. We went to breakfast a few days later which felt totally normal, as if we had known each other for years. Without a second thought, we launched into a conversation about our lives: Our backgrounds, kids, aspirations, Mom wins/losses, working from home challenges, etc. I found it so easy to connect with her and found myself texting her almost every day after. It's now 7 months later and she has become one of those girlfriends I feel I can trust with anything. She moved here last year not knowing anyone and sometimes, it feels like we were supposed to meet that day.

As another recent example, I met a Mom through Ronan's music class. If we're being honest, he isn't always the most compliant child, especially in a structured group setting because he's very much an explorer who has no interest in sitting or following the leader. This was very obvious to the rest of the class, as I spent most every week chasing him and pulling him back to my lap, with one specific class being harder than the others in terms of testing my patience. That day, this Mom reached out and said something that made all the difference: "Trust me, you're not alone." Sometimes, that's all we need to hear, isn't it? The next class, I mentioned grabbing lunch sometime, we exchanged numbers and met up for a playdate a week later.

These kind of interactions do take a little bit of "going out on a limb" to reach out and extend an invitation. Who knows if the other person is going to think it's strange or be a total mismatch when you actually get to know their personality? But I think more often than not, we are open to solidarity in Motherhood and womanhood in general. We welcome connections with others who make us feel good and those we can call on when we need something. Those who can empathize, making us feel less alone in all of life's challenges.

Ronan has definitely allowed me to become more extroverted and candid with new people and if you're willing to expand your social circle, I think children offer so many opportunities to meet a lot of amazing women who may end up being in our lives forever in one way or another. He has also allowed me to become closer with many of my longtime girlfriends, by making me more vulnerable and strengthening our bonds. Outside of my husband and immediate Family, it is my girlfriends who have been the biggest support system during these first few years of Motherhood. I have relied on them for so much, whether it was their shoulders to cry on, breast feeding how-to sessions, text threads with free advice that's worth so much, a million playdates at each others houses and a few moments we have spent childless together, relishing in our (cocktail-fueled) temporary freedom that was previously under appreciated.

But even if you're not a Mother, the moral of the story is the same: Girlfriends simply make our lives better. Instead of being close-minded about opening up your circle, try finding a little extra room. Compliment another woman's shoes in line at Starbucks. Tell her you also read that book and how it became a fast favorite. Schedule a yoga meet-up. Say hello. Smile. You never know who you will meet and how a little extra kindness and shared connections can make the difference.

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How do you make friends as an adult? 

If you ARE a Mama, do you find children have made it easier?