A Letter to my Son on his 2nd Birthday

My sweet Ro,

For the first few months after we brought you home from the hospital, I had this reoccurring dream: I would wake up in a PANIC in the middle of the night, thinking I had fallen asleep while nursing you and that you had ended up in our bed somewhere. I swear I saw the outline of your tiny newborn face, laying right next to me and would freak out that I hadn't put you back in your bassinet. This happened regularly and was just one of many parenting worries to come. Maybe it's because I was so nervous in our new phase of life and worried that we were doing something wrong along the way...

But now, as we approach your 2nd birthday, I look at you and know, we've done so much right.

Ronan, 1 years // 2 years

This past year with you has surely been the best yet. Selfishly, I think that's partly because you could never want me around more than you do right now. Just recently, you started saying, "I luh ewe, Mama," and I never knew I could feel so much joy from one sentence. We are best friends who do everything together and even though I know you will create your own circle of friends one day, I hope I'll always be your definition of home. 

I feel so lucky you are mine: You are the most loving, curious, exuberant, stubborn, strong-willed and sweet boy who is growing up beautifully and I am more proud of you than you can ever understand. It doesn't matter how long or difficult the day, every time you fall asleep in my arms and I stare at your still-baby face, I melt all over. My heart explodes just by watching you experience life and do the most mundane things... 

When you wake in the morning, I hear "Mama" on the monitor almost immediately and we begin our day, which is filled with no less than 2,874 "Mama's," over the next 12 hours which tests my patience at times but more often than not, makes me feel loved. You follow me into every room, look for my approval and get excited to show me all of your accomplishments. Lately, those include learning new words every single day, filling up your own cup of water at the fridge, scooping dog food for Fitz (and inevitably spilling half on the floor) and talking about every animal and the noises they make (with lions and ducks being the frontrunners).

You offer greetings to every living and non-living object: The birds ("b's"), our neighbors lion made of stone ("bye line!"), the ceramic bunny in our front yard ("hi bun!") and my new favorite, our dog Fitzgerald ("hi puppy gerald!"). You never sit down. You ask to watch Peppa Pig first thing in the morning and promptly tell us "NO!" if we try to put on any other show. You cherish your Peppa figurines, taking them out of your basket and lining them up on the shelf, calling each one by name. You say "Ohhh noooo" when you are concerned (especially if the oven timer beeps or your band-aid falls off). You recently discovered how much you enjoy the pool and I think our swim lessons have been a huge help with that. You are very much your own person who does things his own way. Every "first" with you continues to be magical for Dad and I, including your first trick or treating this past Halloween, your first visit to Santa at Christmas (no tears = victory!), easter egg hunting, your first carnival ride and watching you learn how to have conversations with us -- like most things you do, you handled all of these new endeavors fearlessly. 

Our hearts hurt when you are disappointed, swell when you are extra sweet and beat just a tad faster every day, as we cautiously watch you navigate life. Your happiness, self-esteem, values and morals matter more to us than anything else and most days, I feel pretty good about what our little Family is doing to make sure we meet all of these goals. You are so smart and we look forward to seeing how you change the world...

but in the meantime, we've been a little 
busy since you turned 1... 

August 2018

September 2018

October 2018

November 2018

December 2018

January 2019

February 2019

March 2019

April 2019

May 2019

June 2019

July 2019

August 2019

I wish so many things for you but in this moment, I wish you could stay this little, innocent and protected from harm longer than time allows. Right now, you don't know any real sadness or heartache and I would do anything to protect that security forever. When you were born, it was hard to imagine loving you anymore than we did on August 3rd but oh my, nothing to compares to our feelings for you now.

Thank you for making me a Mama and giving me the best two years of my life. 
I look forward to all of our adventures yet to come. 

Happy 2nd birthday, my love.

Your Mama.