For 30 years, I have celebrated other people on this day and rightly so: The woman who brought me into this world and has given me everything I need to become a good one myself, my Mother and best friend. The woman who gave me my hard-working and loyal husband, my Mother-in-Law. And even the woman who has fought hell and high water to be her kids ultimate superhero, my Sister-in-Law. And on top of that, my sweet Grandmother's while I was lucky enough to have them and Aunt's who also double as confidants and best friends. But this year, I get to join that club. It's an exclusive one yet so welcoming to any new members, for everyone who is a veteran knows how wide-eyed and hopeful the pledges are and the club's unofficial slogan, "community over competition" becomes a motto for us all.
I joined the club when I officially became a Mom on August 3rd, 2017. The best day of my life.
I cried tears of pure joy the moment I saw him. I cried the most sorrowful tears when he got his first shots. I sing him, "You are my sunshine," because he is and it's our song. I comfort him when he falls down and hits his head. I make him laugh by fake sneezing and playing peek a boo over and over. His little giggle is so sweet, it hurts my heart. Our nighttime routine is just ours and something I hope he looks forward to like I do. Sometimes I count the minutes until the next nap. I get into bed exhausted at night. I spend a lot of days in leggings and a disheveled ponytail. I shower after he's asleep because there's no time in the morning. I miss running. I miss my TV shows. I take 17 pictures of him a day, trying to sear every moment into my brain. I am lucky to be home with him so much. I miss regular date nights. And Netflix nights. I miss having the time to make green smoothies for breakfast...or time to do anything "extra." I love when he sees me first thing in the morning and his face lights up. I like watching Sesame Street while he eats his dinner and singing the songs to him. I LOVE watching him learn. I like buying him cute outfits. I can't wait to experience the Summer with him. Sitting outside under our umbrella makes us happy. I loathe hearing him on the monitor in the middle of the night. I miss sleeping in...and sleeping in general. I love his little sounds. I hate poop diapers. I worry so much more now. I never knew it would be this hard. Moreover, I never knew I could love someone this way. I hope he'll be happy, respectful and kind. I wish he would stop growing up so fast. I can't wait to see what he becomes. I want to give him the world.
I am a Mom and so lucky he is mine.
No matter what job you have or career ladder you're climbing, there is nothing in this world that compares to this job description and you can only TRULY understand that when you go through it yourself. The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.
Sometimes I think about that...the magnitude of who I am in his eyes and how much I am responsible for and it's frightening but also empowering. Motherhood has taught me so much already, especially that I'm so much stronger than I ever knew. Every day I wake up, I feel like if I can do this, I can do anything because I've already conquered so much of the unknown.
It is not until you become a Mother that your judgment slowly turns into compassion and understanding. So to every Mother, I say this with the most sincerity: You are doing an amazing job.
And thank you to my Mom for sticking by me, believing in me and loving me every step of the way.
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