New Year, Semi-Resolution

I usually believe in resolutions. I enjoy the feeling of a clean slate and the opportunity to right your wrongs. Feng your shui. Purge your closet, your basement, your life. In fact, I still have the "draft" saved in my gmail account that I started last January where I started to document 3 goals I wanted to accomplish each month because I thought that was more attainable than setting goals for the whole year. January read, "transition Ronan to his crib, make it to yoga at least once a week, find 20-30 minutes for myself every day and finish a book." All of these are highlighted in yellow because I had a good momentum in the beginning, as most do. However, there is only one goal highlighted in yellow during February and I can tell you it WASN'T "launch my blog and post once a week." Launched, yes - Posted once a week, no. Not even close. As I type this, I notice I haven't posted since December 11th and as disappointing as it can feel, it's just my reality right now and that realization of where I am in this moment is the driving force behind my semi resolution for 2019.

Instead of picking a bunch of areas to improve on, I really have more of a broad goal that applies to so many facets of my life. I would just like to try and appreciate each day for exactly what it is. I've always been a person who thrives on looking forward to things, anticipating the future and imagining what could be. Plus, as parents, I feel like we get stuck in the calendar. We're always looking so far forward to find our next moment of happiness (a glass of wine when they finally sleep), relief from life (our next vacation) or anticipation of the next big milestone (in our current case, fear of climbing out of the crib). But this year, I hope to think smaller. Focus on this very day, this hour, this minute, this second. Find optimism and joy in the routine and the mundane. Since becoming a Mother, I find that I am wound very tightly all the time. I lash out at my husband when I'm stressed, rub my temples, curse under my breath and feel short on patience, all more than I should. I lose my cool when I trip over a toy on the floor (why are there ALWAYS things on the floor? Just sayin') and get anxious over the the inevitable mess. I raise my voice when he gives his food to the dog or tries to scale the gates. I don't like even typing these things out but I'd be lying if I said they didn't happen and I think most Mom's can identify. But as trying as it can be to balance it all, I know that this is it and there's no time to waste on negativity.

It may feel like nothing is changing every time you turn down the covers at night but it is, however slow it may be. My son is now 17 months old in what feels like the blink of an eye and he is flourishing. He will be in school before I know it and I will look back on the best days when we were home together, him eating breakfast in his pajamas and me, eating his cold leftovers an hour later. It may not be glamorous and it certainly isn't easy. I may not create blog content as often as I'd like or make it to the yoga studio as much as I used to. But I am where I should be RIGHT NOW and it's perfect for exactly what it is. It's exhausting to dwell on the missed shots so I would like to find gratitude in all of the plays in between - the assists, the passes down court and the occasional slam dunk. Our life is beautiful on the good, bad and in-between days so here's a semi-resolution to simply just remember that, all year long.

How do you feel about resolutions this year? 

Do you set goals and intentions? I'd love to hear :)