My sweet boy - Happy 1st birthday. I can't believe a year has passed but more so, I can't believe the kind of year it was. A year (plus) spent in a pandemic that has forever changed every single one of us. I have spent a lot of time this week reflecting on the past 365 days we have spent together and it often brings me to tears. I am not the same person I used to be - I suppose you never are after bringing life into the world, but it's more than that. In March of 2020, we were busy preparing for your arrival, already nervous about making this big transition and entering the next phase of our lives but we could have never prepared for the kind of change we were about to experience. It started out small - We moved out of our room in the house and turned it into your nursery. We bought Ronan books on becoming a big brother. AND THEN - Restaurants started closing - A stay-at-home order issued, just for two weeks to "flatten the curve" (and I remember how even that seemed impossible). Trade shows shutting down which meant uncertainty at work. Maternity leave which turned into a furlough which resulted in never once stepping foot back into the office with the team who had become my family over the past TEN years. Caution tape put up on our favorite parks. Wearing masks to see hug a family member, not hugging many family members at all. Favorite play places closed, no explanation for heartbroken toddlers. A covid test and masks required in the delivery room. No visitors allowed at the hospital. An unexpected and extremely emotional emergency c-section...
But then on May 7, 2020, at a little past 2pm, you were placed in my arms with a tear-stained face while my teeth were still chattering and I didn't know much about you yet but I knew you were exactly what we needed.
Our early newborn days together are hazy at best - Standard for that phase of life, yes, but because there was so much going on in the world, I felt as if I was sleepwalking through the motions many of those days. It was survival mode and then some - I was doing my best to adjust to being home with you and your brother all day every day (and not having the freedom to go anywhere!) and find our own routine once Dad went back to work. I was figuring out how to breastfeed while keeping Ronan entertained, remembering what it was like to function on little sleep and all the while, keep a positive attitude about life during COVID.
But you...you made all of the hard things so much better.
As important as it is for me to acknowledge what a difficult, trying year it's been, it's even more crucial you know that YOU have been the brightest light in it all and my reason for trying to do my best every single day. From the day you came home, you have been perfectly happy and content, willing to go with our flow and thankfully, being blissfully unaware of anything happening outside our 4 walls. We knew very early on that you were a sweet soul, from the long naps you would take in your outdoor dome to sitting on the porch rockers late at night with us at the lake house, just smiling as we talked. You slept in between Dada and I for months and it was comforting to have you so close. You made my job of nursing you so easy and certainly less stressful this time around, both of us finding our groove and STILL going TWELVE - MONTHS - LATER. I am so proud of you - OF US - for continuing on that journey together and will for as long as you'll have me.
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